Not for the faint of heart or the faint of Butt
1. Being asked if you would like some "really good pot" 15 times, on 15 different occasions by the same guy. Least dissurbing of which is that of those 15 times he recognized me not once.
2. On the roads instead of hitting deer or running over smaller furry creatures like racoons, rabitts, or squirrels, You run over 25 pound Iguanas that vibrate and shake afterward.
3. Before you check into a Hotel you adamantly insist that you first see and inspect the prospective room to ensure that it is fit for Human habitation. You interpret cockroaches as a good sign, cause hey .....if they can live here...
4. You have booked a tour and are picked up at around 7;00am...... or 8. You get in to a full 12 passenger Van. You proceed to collect another 9 people and the occupants are making wagers weather this is the last one or not upping bets with each new guest. You head to the tour with at least 23 people. The driver caries a shotgun.
5. Before entering a shoe store you are met by 2 armed guards. Both are carrying what I assume are loaded shot guns. This is a ¨SHOE¨ store... Not jeweled shoes store, or gold shoes... just rubber..shoes... I ask myself ..if the shoe store neeeds armed guards, then why don´t I have armed guards??? ¨*Quiver*¨
6. Meat is left to hang in the sun and open air for most of the day at the market. I´m talking entire rear quarter. or a whole side, or just a huge dangaling chunk. In their homes most people don´t have a refigerator, ......Why isn´t everyone dead??...I eat meat I amagine was processed in the same fasion...Why aren´t I dead? In Canada do we have a huge misunderstanding as to the limits of fresh meat?
7. In ALL of Central/South America you are not allowed/supposed to flush toilet paper down the toilet. There is a little garbage can specifically for this item. Dropping said item after it is used is a very hard habit to break. There are signs in all gringo washrooms reminding you that if you don´t follow the rules the toilet will back-up. And they do!
8. Speaking of Toilet paper...In all Public washrooms you either have to pay to go in and use the facilities, or you have to pay for a wad of toilet paper at the door, Usually both. In non public bathrooms there simply isn´t any. We stopped trying our luck and carry some with us always.
9. After eating a meal you set your watch, if nothing happens within 2 to 4 hours you are safe to proceed to the next meal.
10. In the markets you can get a special price. A price just for you. A special price for you. And of course it is their work, their job, hand made by their infant son. It is a guiness work of art inspired by the Virgin Mary and blessed by the Pope himself. With a special price,....I give you special price. 400 merchants...all with special prices.
Ps. Special price means....You are a gringo idiot who will pay whatever special price that pops into my head based on what you look and smell like. But mostly cause you are white and I don´t think you speak spanish to argue with me.